Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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