Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
