Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
