my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
