i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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