Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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