You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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