he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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