The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
