I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
