in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
