When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i will never coherently bang her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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