Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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