bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
