This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
