Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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