mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
