made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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