Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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