I accidentally burped into my bong.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
