Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
