Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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