Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
