The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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