i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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