Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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