so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
