My liver just broke up with me...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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