I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
