Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
