the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
