when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
