I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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