I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
