PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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