I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
