some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
