Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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