Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
even my farts smell like vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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