I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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