i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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