he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
