You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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