There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
