Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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