sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
