If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
