I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
