I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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