Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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