Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
