drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize