I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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