I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
