So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
