thus making me awesome and them whores
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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