I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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