So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
