Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Randomize
