I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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