i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
