I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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