Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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