Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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