So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
