I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
