yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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