What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
