And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
