i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
