apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
pray to the hookup gods
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
