I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
