i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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