I met the friendliest cop last night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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