do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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