I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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