Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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