Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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