You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
