Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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