I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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