I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
