We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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