Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i came on her dog
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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