man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.