come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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