they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.