Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck