My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
