I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
