Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
